If you have the fucking audacity to come to a muti-ethnic country such as singapore and ignorantly speak in a Chinese dialect while working in a service industry, dont be surprised to get yelled in one’s mother tongue. Heaven help us, is this Singapore or China?
Note to future self:
Dear Future me, Do you remember the times, where your commitment issues has caused you to loose out on life experiences? Do you remember the times, your passivity costed your 19 years of living to be deemed meaningless and fruitless? Do you remember the times you were naive to believe that “good things come to those who wait.” Well, let me tell you something dear, contrary to...
Worried to my bones.
Mother instilled fear in me. Sometimes, I feel like a pariah. Doubt and fear fills my heart, Instead of determinacy and faith. The price I’m paying for my King, Is it this huge? I am afraid of my incompatibility. I am afraid of my circumstances. In this walk of faith, Will I reach my destination? My ever contested faith, Will it bear fruits of your desire? Jesus, make a...
As I was medicating your words, I grew immensely ponderous of your plan for me. I remember telling you that submitting to the course of A’levels was the biggest sacrifice I’ve done for you. I was indeed wrong. I got reminded of love, relationships and elements that makes the us beings, warm, gentle, vulnerable and humane. Only then did I realise your plan for me.
What is wrong with me?
Recently, I’m not myself. Feels like I’m undergoing some sort of change, catalyst reaction. Maybe the demons are residing in me. Shhhhhh They make me do undesirable things. It’s like a battle between the mind and soul, and it’s the devil that reigns every time. But, I will not submit to this, this undesirable thing. I am tinted. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t distill the devil...
Do you want to know what's sad?
I have very interesting world views yet lack the ability to pen it down pristinely.
I happened to chance upon one my senior’s blog, someone who has graduated from IJC just a year ago. I’ve met her once during my Icon Ambassador days and ever since aspired to be somewhat like her despite the ‘bad reputation’ she had in school. I liked her passion, that, was seething out of her eyes. I would always see her around school having consultations and truly...
Rejection, be it direct or an indirect action, has the propensity to kill. Despite its subtle appearance, it seizes the authority to condemn and control. 3 years of yearning for the love, That will hasn’t be reciprocated, Is a clear indication, Of a hopeless romantic Displaying acts foolish expectancies. How do you break away from this vicious cycle? I don’t know. If love occurs in...
The things about the " Great D " (well according...
Like a ninja thief, You tend not to acknowledge his presence Till you feel the void. His stealthiness scares me. His routined appearances puzzle me. What is that I’ve got and he doesn’t for him to keep coming back? His persistence scares me. Like the devil, Then I realised, he’s after my light. And that he’s never leaving Till he’s got every ounce of it. His vile cunningness scares...
This is me reflecting about my experience in a tattoo shop. So I nearly got my tattoo ( ‘shine bright like’ in greek and with a cross followed ) in white on my collar bone/inner arm. But when I saw someone getting it, shit got real. Although I knew what I wanted to get was of utmost significance to me in the present and future, I was confused and just didn’t have the right vibe....
I am terrified. I’m scared. What if, it comes a point that I might have to kill myself? I am petrified. I’m afraid of my mental instability I’m afraid of my thought process. I’m afraid of the images I see around at night. I’m petrified lord. Words cannot describe the pain, the anguish my mind would be at, in attempting and succeeding to kill myself. This...
When I stepped into IJC, I didn’t really like boys. I didn’t want any attention from them. I didn’t really want to be in a relationship, even though I had an crush/eye candy. I didn’t like life. I didn’t celebrate my 18th birthday. I was depressed. I hate life. But I guess, things do change after a while. Being 19, has taught me to not be naive and immature. It has...
Setting up for failure?
I can’t take this anymore… I’m gonna fail my blockies damn badly And I don’t know if I can take any more failures. I tried. I truly tried studying over the march break. But… I just couldn’t. This is torturous. This is torturous because I am mot doing what I like And I’m doubting what I like. I am sad because I am not suppose to doubt what I love, but I can’t stop myself. The lack of...
1) I AM GOING FOR LITERATURE UK TRIP 2) AND IT’S FULLY SUBSIDIZED FOR ME 3) I HIT MY HIGHEST NUMBER OF LIKE ON INSTAGRAM 4) AND IT’S A OUTFIT SHOT Ahhhh I can’t be any more grateful : ( god’s been nice to me :’)
The full moon shone through the haze, like a milky fluorescent light into the wild darkness. My words, with the smell of life, remains abstract. I no longer felt lonely like a wandering ghost. Like a bright rainbow in a dark gray sky, no doubt some hope lingered within me. I thought of myself as an artist at heart, a woman of love. But my memory was a blur distortion of images. They say first...
Sometimes, you only have you and yourself to face the woes of life. Sometimes, only you can comfort yourself. Sometimes, no one but you can take away the pain. No one would have ever thought that self preservation is key in the lives we live nowadays. Life as such, we either live counting the days or making the days count for us. Which will you choose?
It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it...– delacroix (via framesjanco)
I actually kinda wished someone finds me attractive.
The hydra called the Internet
Today, I was implicated into cyber bullying. For no rhyme or reason I was implicated into the cause of one’s misery. What came as a shocker was my lack of awareness which sent about arrows into the delicate heart of my classmate. My life stands between the fine lines of death and misery. Apologies aren’t going to set the boat on reverse. So I make a pact to myself: A pact...
Those slaps that you offered me tonight, Offered me no more feelings. (Oh poor cheeks) I’m immune, Immune to filial feelings. The bed I share with you No longer feels scared. Instead, I feel disgusted Sleeping next to someone who doesn’t embrace me for who I am. Those words you hurled at me tonight, Hurled no more reactionary feelings. (Oh poor heart) In a matter of...
I am not happy. I am not unhappy. I am frozen somewhere in the middle that is so...– Samantha Schutz, I Don’t Want to be Crazy (via endangerment)
Just when you thought everything was settled, an avalanche hits you unexpectedly. Feeling bitter? No. I am going to suck it up like a bitch and carry on with life because that’s what tough girls do.
It's the autumn of the life cycle.
There are parallels between me and the character Blanche in the play, A Streetcar Named Desire. It might be shocking to many, but many a times I find myself escaping into the illusory when the reality gets to painful stomach. This particular quote speaks to me : “It’s the Barnum and Bailey world. Just as phony as it could be. Wouldn’t be make believe, if you believed in...
Or maybe I’m just weird. Too extreme to be reformed into conformity.
It hurts when you treat me like a stranger. All I wanted and did was to stay away from you to avoid living a vicarious life. It was a foolish thing I admit. But… when you start to treat me like a third party, someone you’d like to avoid, stirs certain uncertain emotions. I brought this upon myself and I shall complain no more.
The Black Cloak
The train doors swing open and putrescence evads my nostrils. His cologne reminds me of you, your last presence. Sandal wood and rose water, that’s what it smells like. It makes me ponder about the times, you and I had a decade ago. Recalling, touching your hardened black face sends chills to my spine still. I remember, the refusal to shed tears in your ceremony, is a...
A trip to the Aquarium
Sunday morning; Salvation rise The Marine kingdom welcomed with open arms. Twas magnificent. Twas majestic. There was a certain kind of fear in the freedom offered. Gliding through the water; never in a moment of stasis or silos, their impeccable consistency created art, showing me how to live life, the right way Though they differ in colour, shapes and species, there were all...
Begone are days Where I used to take you for granted. Begone are those glorious days. The grim reaper circles around my delicate eyes whispering, Sleep will be the death of you. I fear, for the moment I close my eyes, He would take me away to his paradise. As alluring as it may seem, It was a monotony I did out of habits. In many things, sacrificing the scared was becoming a habit. ...
One's a company Two's crowd
In times to come, air’ll be packaged. Movements’ll be restrained. Whiffing even an ounce of breath in the openness would be a luxury to many. What more socializing. Our nation anthem’ll renamed “too close for comfort” Fighting to sustain’ll be our new goal. What more flora and fauna I’ll be seeing unfamiliar faces all around me. There’ll...
As I seat on a wooden bench and wait for my bus to arrive, my mind decides to take me on another adventure As these cars were swooning past me, my mind was going in circles, like how my life is I make a silent prayer: “Break me free from this cycle.” Yearning to lie on the deathbed at nights, I wake up every morning on my bed with disappointment tainted in my eyes. This...
A chilly night
The wind’s howling Cold wind’s purging The night’s melancholy sings me a lullaby in the piercing darkness My heart’s wandering Mind’s boggling There’s something sinister about the dark that makes your heart a drab. It puts you down Makes you wanna cry It makes you think, in fact over think, about life and yourself Like the howling wind You feel tousled You feel unsettled You...
I hate how you use your selective hearing on me and later act as if I never told you anything.
Well, what’s New Year to me? Basically it’s a New Year. Not new beginnings or stuff like that to me. Change is inevitable.Change happens, anytime, anywhere. My point is, why must change wait? Doesn’t it create a streak of procrastinators? You see where I’m getting at? on a really random side note, i hate fireworks. I’m not kidding. First of all it too outrageously expensive for minutes of eye...
She left behind a note
It’s been 16 days since I spoke to mum because of the slaps she offered me because of my dressing and the fact that I pierced the right side of my nose instead of the left side. And today when I told her that we should just start talking and stop being childish she wrote me a note stating that she will not speak to or touch me ever, not bother about me and given me the freedom to do whatever I...
When people leave IJ one by one, I question myself: “Pra when’s yours.” Then again, I remind myself the reason I’m running this race is not for me but for Him.
Mellows of the Meadows.
I realised something in my 18 years of existence. I am the type of person who can’t be forced to or trained to do something. I mean like whats the point of examinations nowadays that we are not tested on our passion,inspirations, desires or true talents but a commitment of factual verbal diarrhea? For instance, thoughts are cleverly, beautiful put into words through one thing; inspiration. ...
When I write about the thing that I’ve lost I feel like I’m writing...– Lana Del Rey
Cleaning it up
mess lost I nearly thought of dropping out of school and moving out from home again because i lost hope in mum sending me to London to further in fashion. Then again. I realised it’s God plan. Even if my mum doesn’t send me overseas for my fashion studies after A’s. It’s god’s plan, not mine. Even though it hurts dragging my life like a cigarette through a...